im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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