He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Four minutes until I can fart!
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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