Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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