I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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