Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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