Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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