I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
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There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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