I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
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I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize