nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
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Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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