just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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