I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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