Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize