You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
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You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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