I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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