it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize