he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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