Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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