people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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