I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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