yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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