I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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