feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My breasts were aching with rage.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize