I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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