Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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