You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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