Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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