Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize