We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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