Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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