Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
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He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
ok first of all what the fuck
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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