Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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