I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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