She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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