I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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