Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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