Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize