i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize