You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
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My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
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I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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