I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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