i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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