Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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