i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize