You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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