he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize