I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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