i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
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New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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