I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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