Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
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I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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