I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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