I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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